Things are a changin….

Another huge change was noticed today…may sound trivial to some, but to me it was huge….for the first time in many years I was able to sit comfortably in a booth in a restaurant…no squished in feeling like I am going to pop the table up at any minute….sounds frigin sad when I write it – but hey its true…I met a good friend for lunch today…she always wants to sit in a booth…I thought why not, if I don’t fit we can always sit at a table…so I bent down and whooola I slid right in and still had room to put both my hands in front of me….

 these are exactly what they looked like…

now why am I going to all this hoopala…..well when you have been heavy for as long as I have been,  it is a big deal to finally feel like your starting to be part of the “normal” world again, get to do things normal people do…like sit in frigin booths…I have no answers for the many questions I can hear you all asking , why didn’t you do this years ago….I did try, I lost 111#’s back in the early 80’s….I was in a size 10 pants….then I married a control freak…lets just say my life took a turn for the worst for over 10 years after that…when I finally got out of that relationship I was left with heavy guilt and did not know how to deal with it, so I ate…and ate and ate…to fill the emptiness I felt not from the loss of my marriage, but from being drained of all real emotion,…then my sister dropped dead unexpectedly and I ate to kill the pain…I ate a lot…all the time, I probably put on over 50#’s at that time…and kept it on…but now, over the last year with the help of Overeaters Anonymous, I was able to finally let go of the guilt and understand the pain I carried and put the rebel on my shoulder in her place so I could get past myself to see what I needed to do….

So now, at my age, I am so happy that I am able to put my life back on a healthy track, I cannot have any regrets for how I lived life up to now it was what it was, dwelling on it won’t make it go away….feeling guilty for my actions of the past will only weigh me down…no pun intended…so when I am able to do something that a lot of people take for granted is a biggie for me…its just another step in the right direction…when I look in the mirror these days a women I used to know…she is looking back at me with a little more gray, her dimples are back, there is sparkle in her eyes…she is standing straighter and taller…and I am feeling good….and I just wanted to share with all of you…thanks to your encouragement, your ideas, your motivation, and your inspirational stories are all helping me become a better person…inside and out…thanks……

Until tomorrow