Look out — Here We Come……

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We’re packed and ready to go….we are heading to Hwy #101 South….first stop is Yuma to see my brother and get rid of a couple bags and a huge picture frame…LOL  birthday presents and stuff I am handing off….then it will depend on the weather where we will head from there, we will end out trip back in Yuma for Thanksgiving….I am so ready to be on a road trip….the dog won’t let us out of her sight…she will not be left behind…she loves to travel as much as we do…

I am not ignoring anyone, but unless we have Wi-Fi I won’t be able to get on here, my phone is just a cheap Motorola, and it takes forever to get on the WP site…

I have had a good day….my knee is about 50% better…so that’s a good thing…I skipped the gym again, no way am I going to irritate it more before we start out on a road trip….foods been just okay..I need to get my self back on a low calorie quota again…did okay yesterday…I am over 1500 today….so looking forward to being on the road and getting into routine, I seem to be floundering here….getting back on the wagon is harder than I would like…not sure why but foundering is the only thought that comes to my mind..I am thinking the pastry….sugar….yeast….it is like my heroine….I know its my trigger so I just need to buckle down and fight through it….I am guessing the urges, desires and wants are always gonna be there when it comes to my trigger foods….dam those pastries…..dam my weakness….oh hum….big sigh….

so until I can find Wi-Fi…..kat

Oh Me Oh My

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Well the day started out like any other…up-first cup of coffee behind me…thinking about making an appearance at the gym and pool…then my phone rings….the imaging center, seems the radiologist would like a few more pictures of my infamous breast….can you make it today…well of course…the sooner the better…my heart rate is up, my stomach is in knots.my head is starting to pound..my brain has gone into overdrive…I immedialtly want to go take a shower and do a breast exam, did I miss something??  IS that why my frigin arm is hurting, do I have a lump I can’t feel under my arm pit area.???  See how my brain starts to just unwind…I hate this kind of BS….and so frigin early in the morning…..Aghhhhh   So the imaging center is located in a huge medical office building with a very yummy French Bakery….very authentic French Bakery…..I fought the urge before my appointment, infact that is why I made the intial appointment on a Saturday, the Bakery is closed…besides my brain running in the gutter with terrible thoughts about why they want me to come back in, I have the frigin Bakery that the rebel is reminding to go to……infact I was in line waiting to look at the yummy “des pâtisseries” – but I got to the point where the line was 3 from the cashier….I turned and left….I knew it was just nerves that sent me flying into the bakery to begin with and my rebel…sooooo I had my appointment, followed up with an ultrasound the entire time, praying, making deals with any deity that would listen…I finally get the end results that I have a cyst, pea sized deep in the tissue that’s why I never felt it…I was advised just to let it do its thing…it might get bigger, it might go away or it might stay the same….harmless…..well by then I was one big quivering nerve….so I dressed, almost skipped out….and went directly to my French Bakery, never gave it a second thought….got my coffee and pastry to wolf down in the car……let me tell you, I had a frigin sugar high from hell….my head hurt, my stomach was churning, I still have a lump in my throat…I never once had guilt, as I had already given myself permission because poor Kathy, she had to deal with such a stressful moment in her life, she needed help to get through it….

oh me oh my…I am still a work in progress…obviously I knew what I should of done, however I didn’t follow through, my inner rebel won this round…my inner chimp took over for sure….but my body is paying for my indulgence….I am hoping I don’t forget how horrible I felt, and still do after my French sacrifice…not looking forward to the carb hangover in the morning either…and all that garbage in my body will feed my arthritis pain…..I am shaking my head….and slugging water down….

I am not here asking or looking for any sympathy, I am fine and don’t have to go back for a year….was it stressful, of course, but I was only going for further testing….nothing definite had been said, really no big deal, had you seen me, you would of never thought I was loosing it inside….I as so dam cool calm and collected, getting on with life….but my rebel was screaming inside…my fear won, it had my head, heart and emotions revved very high…I should of known better, well I actually did, I just couldn’t maintain a level head…I still need to work on reining in my inner, insecure rebel…..

So there I have said it out loud, owned up to  my weakness and now it can only get better….needless to say I never made it to the gym…the day just went poof and was over, and I had to watch the Republican debate..

Sorry for all the whining and carrying on….but that is why I started this blog, somewhere for me to get it out onto paper…feels good to get it onto paper and out of my head….

Until tomorrow…..hopefully a much better report…and no –  I am not beating myself up…just pickin it up off the floor and getting on with it….XXkat

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Home Sweet Home

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Home…feels great to be sitting in my living room…..I added a few more pictures…the top is Ruby Beach at Kalaloch, in the Olympic National Park on the West coast in Washington State…we lived there from 2nd grade to 6th…then moved to Point Reyes National Park, in California…raised on the ocean was great….I went to school in the land of Twilight..LOL  Forks, Washington….the bottom picture with the fog is the mountains you see as you enter Lake Crescent, it was so beautiful….

Been a good day, but….Tuesday was a bust….we drove for 11 hours…I am pretty sure my husband is a road warrior..LOL  I thought I was, but he has beat me hands down…LOL  anyway between trying to keep my calories under 1200cal, but I was busted after dinner….so I just counted all my calories…today was back on track…even though we drove for 9 hours today…I have kept my calories under 1200 and stopped eating before 5pm….Ahhhhh is all I can say…since I have weighed in and met one of my goals by loosing 50#’s…it has been tough, vacation, family, being away from home…feeling like a free pass was handed to me….its time to re-evaluate some of my mind thinking…and just get back at it…I know I can follow my new life journey…I have done it….I just need to work on how I handle the big steps as I make them…there is no free passes, and it shouldn’t make any difference where or whom I am with, my life journey and health needs to stay front and center…

My shoulders hurt, I am sure it was from driving for such long periods of time…even though we split the difference….and my tail bone is sore….I am going to have a little talk with the road warrior and we need to change or mind set on how we return home….we do well and take our time, relax, and chill, its like a red light is flicked in his mind when the rig gets turned around toward home, all chillin is out…LOL I have been taking Advil and the long hot shower has helped…a good night sleep will put it all back right….and then off to the pool in the morning for a work out and the hot tub….

until tomorrow….

A laid back Saturday….

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Well after yesterdays eating binge…I thought I would wake up with a over-indulgent hangover, but I woke up clear headed..Yey…that was a plus… I fasted the first half of the day, mind you I had my coffee, vitamins  and dank vitamin water all day, but I never did get hungry.  I had dinner at 5p….under my 1000 Cal limit….so all back in balance today and it feels really good….still shaking my head at what the hell was I thinking yesterday….after I posted my blog I ate another 1000 calories..I thought I was starving, how quick one can slide back into the old ways…oh well, I am back at it today…

I spent 5 hours playing with my bowling balls…the front one is all tiled, it needs to be grouted, cleaned, then sealed.  I did get some white colored adhesive and the blue clear glass stones are so much better…its fun…but working on a curve is a little of a challenge…Pintrest has been my DYI go too….

My previous post was all about being nominated for a blogging award :Sisterhood of the World:  pretty big title….always makes me feel part of the blogging world…it still amazes me people stop by and read this…thanks everyone..it has made it a lot more fun…and I love meeting everyone in all parts of the world…

Well I did not exercise today, however the day is not over, I may surprise myself and get it done yet….Happy weekend everyone…

Until tomorrow….

Home Again….

What a great week we were having….then the heat wave was announced starting today!!!  It was only going to be one day here at home, today, but we were in East Idaho on the Salmon River…..temps going up to over a hundred for several days, they threatened into the beginning of July…Ahhhh no thanks….high 80’s, even low 90’s is okay as long as the nights cool down..no matter where we went the heat wave was going to affect that area, but our biggest concern was driving home in the heat of the day…pretty hard on tires and motors, let alone the humans and dog…LOL  so we pulled up the anchor and headed home…literally….so home yesterday…dirty clothes in washer, RV emptied out….

so now that I am home I am reflecting the last two days of hard driving, I am regretting some of my food choices…I used the excuse we were pushing to get home, poor me, having to drive so far each day….the need for a big, fat avocado, bacon burger was a must in my mind, 970 calories later…..I am thankful I didn’t get a milkshake to go with it…I continued to feel sorry for myself of course and for two days in a row, actually 3 days ate over my 2000 calories but not over 2500, not that that’s a good thing but I did try to control, cause believe me I could of just kept eating…..Boo Hooing now big time!!  I have to weigh in Saturday…..my last weigh I was a milestone…and I promised myself I would never go back to the weight I left behind…..but I am thinking I may have back slid a little….hoping not…but it isn’t looking to good…..I have beat myself up for the last 24 hours, actually as soon as I put the last bite of the burger in my mouth, guilt started, but didn’t make me stop eating…plus I was sooo full…I hadn’t felt that full for a very long time….I was miserable…rightly so….I got up this morning, new attitude, new goal, repeating my positive mantras…

I must applaud myself (just bring honest)  for at least counting every bite I put in my mouth no matter how high the calorie #s got, I wasn’t trying to cheat myself or pretend it wasn’t what it was.   I have been extremely careful today, actually got out the tablespoon and even measured my quarter cup of onions.  I realize that life will not always be easy but I really need to work on remembering why I am where I am, and why I am doing what I am doing…the rebel who feels I should get whatever I want no matter what snuck out and took over my brain for a few days…no excuse but that’s what happened….

So here I am blogging, writing it all down, trying to figure out a better plan in the future, as this will more that likely happen again….I can’t believe how much it helps to write it down and own it…. I will be on here daily for awhile to help me get back on my journey…..

nice to be home out of the extreme heat…..so until tomorrow

Daily…again

Sunday to Monday…got it back in control..I think…I am going to check in with myself everyday yet again for a week…sooo easy to fall back into the ole comfortable habits…good day today…measured every morsel, bite and swallow….feeling a little more in control of my destiny again…so until tomorrow….